The Bluebird of Happiness

You’ve likely noticed I’m not the most dedicated blogger on the Internet.

I’ve had some difficulty picking topics, especially since I’m no expert on marriage. Then, like a ton of bricks, it hit me; I wasn’t making this fun.

So here’s a post for all you halloweenies out there: A post honoring the couple’s costume.

Couples costumes are great for parties; it’s an easy way to let people know who you came with. The key to pulling it off is a common theme. Common ideas include a famous historical couple (like Mark Anthony and Cleopatra) or objects that go together (Bowling Ball and Bowling Pin).

Halloween Express recently announced its 10 most popular couples costumes for 2008. They are:

10. Rustic Pirate and Rustic Pirate Lady

9. Nightmare Before Christmas Jack Skellington and Sally

8. Bun in the Oven and The Bun Baker

7. The Spartan Cheerleaders

6. Batman and Batgirl

5. Oktoberfest Guy and Girl

4. Dog the Bounty Hunters - Beth and Dog the Bounty Hunter

3. Gilligan’s Island - Gilligan and Mary Ann

2. Plug & Socket

1. The Flintstones - Fred Flintstone and Wilma

So what are the top 10 worst couples costumes? I’ve compiled my list from an extensive Web search, and think these are some of the worst ideas out there (no offense if you’ve been any of these for Halloween):

10. Bride and Groom

You’re already married; wasn’t once enough?

9. Pocahontas and Cpt. John Smith

The two never had a romantic relationship. He was more like a father-figure to her. Please - stop perpetuating bad history!

8. Hot Cherry Pie and the Pie Eater

If you’re attending an adults only gathering, I could let this slide; however, if you’re wearing it to pass out candy on Beggar’s Night - leave the sexual references out of it!

7. John the Baptist and Salome

This woman was responsible for his death! Men, if you’re wife tries to convince you this is a great costume, I would suggest finding a marriage counselor.

6. Carmen Electra and Dennis Rodman

Talk about a train wreck…

5. Prince Charles and Princess Diana

I doubt many people would choose this couple now (at least I hope they wouldn’t).

4. The Wonder Twins: Jayna and Zan

Not only are the Wonder Twins crummy super heroes, but they make terrible Halloween costumes as well. Jayna could go as any animal; Zan would be stuck carrying a bucket of water.

3. Victim and Serial Killer

This is self-explanatory.

2. Two Heads in a Fish Tank

Three words: What the hell?!?

1. Madonna and Guy Ritchie

Somehow, I don’t think attending a Halloween bash as an estranged, divorcing couple says anything healthy about your relationship.

No matter what costume you choose, I hope you have a spooktacular Halloween. Happy haunting.

-S-

Sometimes, I think western society is the “downfall” of marriage.Prior to the 20th century, “love” was simply not the focal point of matrimony. An article from Psychology Today puts this in perspective for you and me.

From the dawn of man through the Reniassance period, love was “an absurdly flimsy reason” for people to marry - according to the article. The Greeks believed “inheritance is more important that feelings.” In Rome, “wife-swapping was a career move.”

The Hindus weren’t the only ones arranging marriages either - in 12th century Europe, upper-class families married to strengthen wealth and the only appropriate outlet for passion was adultery.

French essayist Montaigne wrote, “Any man in love with his wife must be so dull that no one else could love him.” (16th century)

Moving on to the late 1600s, Puritans in North America warned their congregants against “loving their spouses too much.”

According the article - you can blame gold-digging wives on the British. “Ladies’ debating societies declare that while loveless marriages are regrettable, women must consider money when choosing a partner.”

Let’s jump into the 1950s - the nuclear family unit. Remember those TV shows where the mother stays home in her dress, apron and heels while the husband goes to work. Golly gee - those were great times when life was keen! Twenty years later, the divorce rate skyrockets because changing social rules “mean marriage is no longer obligatory.” Damn hippies!

In 2008, marriage rates are down; idealized weddings run rampant and people are living together to ensure they’ve “found their soulmate.”

So has marriage declined? Is it failing? Is it an out-dated institution?

The experts will say yes - it delined and is failing. In fact, the experts will frighten us with statistics about how children from single-parent (most often single-mother) households are more likely to use alcohol and drugs, have pre-marital sex and bear children at an early age. What they can’t seem to agree on is if it’s an out-dated institution.

I say define marriage for yourself. I’ll even offer my “expert” opinion - as a child of divorce/divorced person/remarried person/step-mother.

Marriage is the largest commitment of your life. At its best, it’s a legal and spiritual bond between two people. These people vow to care for one another when the times are good - lots of money, food on the table, in good health - and to support one another when the times are bad - a job loss, life-threatening illness, death of loved ones.

A marriage ties together intimate friends. Your spouse is the person you’ll share a bank account, a home, possibly children and your life with. Marriage is about putting yourself second; it’s about trying to think as a unit.

Marriage also is about respecting your spouse’s unique qualities. It’s knowing he or she loves to sew, golf, paint, canoe or play drums. It’s about supporting her or his dreams. It’s also realizing that sometimes, your dreams come second. It’s about having a fighting chance against a world that is determined to drag you through hell, break your spirit and tell you that marriage is a dying institution.

It’s about finding someone who makes you think, stretches your limits and helps you grow. Marriage realizes that no one person is always correct. It knows that some nights, you’ll sleep on the couch. Sometimes, you’ll scream at one another. Sometimes, the sound of your spouse’s voice will get on your nerves.

And in spite of the hard work, marriage is knowing at the end of the day - you have an advocate. You have someone that is on your side, holding your hand and telling the world to kiss your ass.

It won’t always be easy; but I promise, marriage is worth it.  

Just one Internet search should convince you that communication is a necessary part of a healthy marriage (or any relationship, really). I have a degree in communications and I can’t seem to get it right!  

For some couples, brutal honesty works; others prefer to keep secrets. I know couples who constantly argue and that dynamic keeps their marriage fresh. The point is people communicate in a variety of ways.

So where do you turn if you need some communication pointers? There are plenty of marriage counselors, magazine articles and other married people with loads of advice/expertise/experience. But you already knew that, didn’t you?

Here are some tips from the experts:

The American Association of Matrimony Lawyers remind married couples that “no one wins an argument.” Compromise is key to settling arguments and disagreements in a respectful manner. Most of their tips involve resolving conflict. Keeping a positive attitude is the probably the most important suggestion on their list.

It’s vital to discuss the bad, but don’t leave out the good! Complimenting your spouse can go a long way in wedded bliss. Remember when you were dating? Remember all those butterflies from his compliment about your hair, or her compliment about your taste in music? Those kind words shouldn’t end after you’ve walked down the aisle! You can find more information about the positives of compliments at About.com.

Lastly, make time to talk with your spouse. Once again, think about when you were dating; I remember never running out of things to talk about. I haven’t been married long, but my husband and I dated for two years. While sometimes you might feel that you’ve run out of things to say, About.com has a list of activities that could get the conversational ball rolling. 

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If you have a suggestion for a topic, please leave a comment - I’d be glad to write about it! 

-S- 

 The Connecticut Supreme Court overturned a ban on gay marriage 4-3, siting that it caused “cognizable harm” and violated a “fundamental right” of same-sex couples.

Click here for a more in-depth story on the subject. This makes Connecticut the third state to allow same-sex marriages (Massachusetts in 2003 and California earlier this year).

Gov. Jodi Rell’s (Republican) said she disagrees with the ruling. She also said, “I do not believe their voice reflects the majority of the people of Connecticut.” She noted that attempts to reverse the decision, “either legislatively or by amending the state Constitution,” would be unsuccessful and she “will abide by the ruling.”

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I feel frustrated when people say, “Allowing homosexuals to marry does not protect the sanctity of marriage.”As an American, I think it’s important we keep church and state separate. I have not heard a single argument against same-sex marriage that doesn’t ultimately end in “the Bible says…”

In fact, I’ve found some conservative Christian resources supporting gay marriage. Several prominent organizations have said same-sex marriage is not detrimental to children or the family, including the American Academy of Pediatrics and the American Anthropological Association.

It’s important to note that homosexuals make up two to three percent of the American population, and passing homosexual-friendly laws (for lack of a better term) has not caused more people to “choose” to be gay.

If you’re interested in reading more on this subject, I recommend What God Has Joined Together: A Christian Case for Gay Marriage. It’s an amazing book with lots of excellent information. 

-S-  

Hi! My name is Sarah; I’m glad you’ve found my public corner of the Web. I hope you’ll make yourself comfortable and stay awhile.

Throughout history, cultures have looked to marriage and family life as a cornerstone of society. In America, many people feel marriage is “failing” or “declining” based on statistics we read in newspapers and see on television. Before we panic, I think it’s important to dig deeper and critically think about the information we receive.

I started this blog to focus on marriage - as it is, could be and should be. I’ll discuss everything from how to handle unruly in-laws to California’s Prop-8. I’ll present both sides of controversial topics to the best of my ability. All I ask is you keep an open mind.

You might be thinking, “Who is Sarah and what makes her an authority on marriage?”

I am a professional journalist, living in southwest Ohio. I’m also a married person; my husband and I wed in April 2008. I have a 13-year-old step-son who lives in Illinois. I think marriage is important - not simply in a religious sense. Marriage is a vital component of civilization. I’m a liberal Christian (Yes, Virginia - much like Santa Claus, there are liberal Christians); however, this blog won’t be completely filled with religious-based views. I enjoy writing with humor (note the Christmas song reference) and try to keep my writing lite - even if the subject is heavy.

I look forward to starting the discussion on all things marriage. I hope you’ll join me regularly, leave comments to broaden my experience, and perhaps learn something along the way.

-S-