The Bluebird of Happiness

Tom Cruise is giving marriage advice to Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag. I don’t know if Cruise is the guy I’d go to for relationship tips, but Pratt and Montag seem OK with it. In fact, Pratt said, “You all know how I feel about big weddings … if Tom’s the best man, we’ll have a big wedding!” You can read more on the story here.

Gay marriage continues to dominate the headlines. The latest wave of activism came today - “Call in Gay Day.” The purpose is to show exactly how integral homosexuals are to broader culture. They might only compose a small percentage of the population — but so do Jews. Food for thought! The full article is here.

New Jersey might be the next state in the union to legalize gay marriage. According to an article from Reuters, the Civil Union Review Commission said “same-sex couples cannot achieve equality with heterosexual couples if their legal status is restricted to civil unions.” New Jersey’s state constitution promises equality for all residents of that state. Wanna know more? Clicky here.

That’s it for this edition; tune in tomorrow for more marriage-related chatter.

-S-

My wedding band is missing.

I could be a sore loser (no pun intended) and completely blame my husband. After all, he was the guy holding my rings while I washed dishes after a meeting. The rings were in his pocket — not mine. When we got home, I tried to retrieve the rings before going to bed; one was missing. It likely fell out of his pocket somewhere along the way.

But I have to take some of that blame. I could have washed the dishes with my rings on. I could have set them on a counter. Instead, I made them his responsibility, therefore making it unfair for me to completely dump the blame on him.

It’s in these moments I remember that marriage is about forgiveness.

While my ring was an expensive token of our love, it is just that — a token. Our commitment to one another isn’t contained in a ring. We aren’t any less married because I have one ring on my finger. Our matrimonial bond will not crumble because I’m missing a little bling.

Marriage truly lives in our relationships — the laughter, love, discussions and commitments we choose to make everyday. It’s a decision we make each morning when we wake up to care for our husbands or wives. It’s a relationship we cherish, build and watch flourish.

My relationship with my husband shouldn’t strain because my wedding band was lost. I am upset about the situation; however, some things in life simply don’t call for starting a never-ending battle.

Has your spouse unintentionally hurt you recently? Have you unintentionally hurt him or her?

Make tonight the night you forgive (or ask for forgiveness) and forget. Life’s too short to be angry with the one you love most.

-S-

Sometimes, I think we spend too much time “communicating” with our spouses. It’s one thing to have an in-depth conversation with a husband or wife. But we live in a world of instant communication gratification. We can:

- Call someone through his or her work number;
- Call someone at his or her home number;
- Call someone on his or her cell phone;
- Text message;
- Instant message (through a variety of messengers);
- Video chat;
- E-mail;
- Twitter;
- Comment on his or her blog;
- Write a letter or note; and
- Have a face-to-face conversation.

I’m sure I’ve left some method of communication out (carrier pigeon), but this is the modern world. We have information in the blink of an eye. I could know what my husband is doing instantly through these various modes of communication.

But there are times I wish I couldn’t. My marriage needs a certain degree of separation. I need time away from my husband to retain my individuality. Married people have to remember what life was like before their wedding day. We should not be completely defined by our marital status.

Besides, if I tell my husband every single detail of my day as it’s happening, what will we discuss over dinner?

-S-

I was listening to the “Twelve Pains of Christmas” song this morning on my way to church. the sixth pain is “Facing my in-laws.” It left me pondering exactly how many people are anxious about spending time with in-laws?

Maybe I’m just blessed; my husband and I don’t have any hang-ups about one another’s parents. In fact, my family and his family have gone to bars or dinner together. We all get along fairly well.

But what about those wives and husbands with “wicked in-laws?”

A quick Internet search reveals several options to help you cope with your extended-by-marriage family this holiday season (I’ve including some of the best advice).

- Dr. Gail Saltz recommends six tips for dealing with in-laws, including setting a time-limit for your visit. “It’s better to end up wanting more time than to feel like you want to throw your guests out, or vice versa,” Saltz said.

- Numerous sites suggest establishing family traditions within your family unit. If you want to spend every Christmas Eve with your spouse and children, do it! It’s important to develop your own familial identity, even if it disappoints your in-laws.

If you’d like to read more on this topic, HundredsofHeads.com has a book called “How to Survive your In-Laws.” The authors interviewed hundreds of couples for advice on coping with family. Some of the ideas were pretty cute.